


Bag of Nails

by lonelybeetles



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Deadlock Jesse McCree, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I've literally wrote nothing before sorry, In a way, My First Work in This Fandom, No Romance, Team as Family, Young Jesse McCree, also how the hell do y'all write his accent so nice, anxiety attack, can't seem to get there, no romance is planned?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2019-10-29 13:38:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17808971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelybeetles/pseuds/lonelybeetles
Summary: Bag of Nails - When something goes topsy-turvy, or just general batshit confusion.Jesse McCree was having a right damned time figuring out who are these folk were, let alone why they all seemed to know him when he sure as hell didn't know them. Also, why is he so old? And where's his gun? His hat, for god's sake?





	1. Barkin' at a Knot

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written anything much before so sorry if this is actual garbage? Went out on a limb and started with just this basic idea that I'm sure there's already plenty of things written for it. Tell me if you want more, I guess?

He didn’t open his eyes when he realized he was awake. Jesse’s body had that numb feeling you only get when you get hurt real bad and miraculously end up in a hospital instead of in some ditch during the freezing desert night. Medical drugs are always like that he supposed. Though, he didn’t yet have enough experience to know if the drugs always made certain parts of him feeling so damn heavy and strange. Namely, the current heaviness he was feeling specifically in his left arm and oddly enough, his face?  
He could wiggle the fingers underneath the hospital sheets on his right arm well enough so why was it that he couldn’t feel his left? And why was his face feeling itchy and weird, something he couldn’t put a name to just yet. Oh god was he hurt so bad that the damn doctors had chopped some of his body off? Jesse quickly stopped that train of thinking when he heart the faint beeping of his heart monitor jump up in pace with his mental panicking. The gunslinger waited a few moments, calming himself and sharply listening for just even a lick of sound that would indicate he wasn’t alone. Nothing. He opened his eyes.  
Glaring whitewashed walls and decor stung in his vision, prompting him to blink a few times to get used to the sudden brilliance. It revealed a single bedroom, with the door closed, no window, and not even a large vent. It was sufficient to say he didn’t feel good not knowing what happened, why he felt so bad, and that there was supposedly only one way out. Jesse looked down and was immediately startled, was...was that a beard? Holy mother Mary, it was. Bringing his right arm up to his face made the sheets fall down a little, showing extensive bandaging across his bare chest. Seeing his evidently hurt body and feeling the roughness of face made his heart rate spike up with worry. If you were to ask Jesse McCree if he was scared, he would’ve adamantly denied being so. But he was alone, and so he didn’t deny it. Damn right he's scared. Plus confused. But really the confusion was just feeding the fear.  
He hastily decided he wasn’t quite ready to see what was going on with his left arm, teasingly hidden under the bedsheets. Resting his right arm back down on top of said bedsheets, the gunslinger stiffly turned his head, looking at the night table that was just out of arm’s reach. There, proudly sitting was his iconic hat resting on something red in addition to what looked to be a communication device. Jesse gave himself a short mental beating before taking a deep breath. Well, as deep as a breath as a regular smoker could make. Figuring out what the devil had happened to his left arm was clearly his priority, seeing as he reckoned he wouldn’t be moving without more information. Something was wrong with his body, this wasn’t his.  
He inched his arm out from under the covers, with more slightly more effort than what he’d like to admit. He felt sick. Glinting under the soft glow of the room’s lights was a cybernetic arm, just above the bend of his elbow. It wasn’t right, and not in a “it’s not fair” kinda way but a “this is completely wrong” kinda way. Jesse let the arm flop back to the bed, flinching at the sharp clink it made. The metal looked well used, worn in a caring kind of way. This wasn’t his body. He was just some guy that had just turned to a proper adult age, fooling his way around in his small but personal gang. He wasn’t this obviously rugged and rickety older man, with a full beard and prosthetic arm. His breathing grew ragged and his face hot, his throat constricting like someone had both hands wrapped around it, pressing down. Jesse wanted to go home. There was no home. The door opened.

“Oh! Well look who decided to wake up.”


	2. Pining Away For Familiarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter a pretty doctor.
> 
> Only 4 of y'all have given kudos but I hope that those 4 are enjoying this. I was planning on updating this weekly but forgot, so no promises.
> 
> Also this is mostly dialogue and lord knows I don't know how to do dialogue so sorry if this is hard to read/confusing/etc. Not to mention the formatting might be different than what I really think it'll look like.

“Oh! Well look who decided to wake up.”

This was spoken by a woman in the classic white doctor’s coat, and if Jesse was in the right place, let alone the right body, he woulda been sweet on her. She was mighty pretty, despite the very obvious dark circles, she was fine like you know you shouldn’t mess with her no matter the circumstances. His throat was still tight, his eyes hot, his hands clenched into fists even if he knew this wasn’t his body. Upon realizing this the woman came rushing over, her hand landing on his shoulder. It caused Jesse to flinch and instinctually bring his arm over his chest to defend himself.

“Oh Jesse, I’m sorry I wasn’t in here when you woke up! I had been staying in here for days but Ana finally convinced me to take a rest,” she paused, giving him such a pitiful look that he almost felt guilty, “it was one of the nightmares again, wasn’t it?”

Jesse McCree was smarter than this, he just had to do what he did best. Play along. This body wasn’t- isn’t- his but the doctor had called him Jesse. That was his name, but it was clearly the body’s name as well. Another wave of sick ran over him like a thundering stampede. The gunslinger didn’t have time for this, he needed to reply or she would give more reason to stay in the hospital bed. Jesse struggled to clear his throat, the constricting feeling of fear still weighing him down.

“Nothin’ to concern yourself over, doc. Just..bucking to get out of here.” The woman immediately sighed and swiftly turned to check over his vitals. Never a good sign, the sighing.

“Jesse McCree, you hurt yourself badly being all heroic and stupid. You aren’t Reinhardt you know, despite how much he curiously like to dote on you. You can’t always be saving others.”

“It’s no skin off my back. Clearly them people needed savin’.” The doctor frowned and narrowed her eyes, stopping from checking the screens showing his condition. Shit. Two strikes already? Obviously he needed to work on his sweet talking.

“You and I both know that Genji needed no saving, Jesse! Genji can handle himself and knows when he needs to drop back from the front.”

_Genji?_ What kind of name is Genji? What did this woman mean by “the front”? That’s usually some sort of military term, so he started wondering how deep he was digging himself. Jesse decided to back off, he knew when a snake was rattling.

“Alright, alright. You got me. My throats feelin’ mighty dry, think I could get rest some more?”

“Rest some more? Of course you’re going to rest some more! Your ribs may not be broken anymore, and your concussion is practically gone but that doesn’t change the fact you’ve been sleeping for days.”

“Right. How long I been out, anyhow?”

“Just five days, how lucky for you. Ana kept you sleeping the first three days, at my request. I know how bad you always itch to get out of the ward but I didn’t know how extensive your injuries would last, I couldn’t just have you crawling out of here as soon as you knew you could.”

“What about the other two?” he asked, aiming to stall some time.

Five days? He’d been in this body for _five_ days already? Jesse felt so very, very wrong for many reasons. The obvious was that he didn’t know where he was, let alone who he was. The slightly less obvious reason was the confusion of all these names. This doctor had mentioned three other names besides her own, and judging from how she said them the gunslinger knew that he, that this body, was close with all of them. Lord knows how many others were here. In a way though, through the fear and confusion and sickness, he felt...loved. Having these supposed four people care about him was already four more than in Deadlock, and the guilt pushed right over him again. No way in hell did he deserve this kind of loving, of caring. Jesse was just some deadbeat kid sucked into a gang because he felt like leaving home.

“The other two days we were waiting for you to wake up- you know how strong Ana’s sleeping mixture is. And get that frown off your face McCree, it’ll get stuck like that.”

He surprised himself by giving a harsh bark of laughter, snarking right back at her. “Could say the same for you, pumpkin’! You been standing here lecturing me and been lookin’ madder than a wet hen!”

The doctor grew red and gave a huff. She quickly pivoted and roughly stomped to the door, her hand on the handle.

“See how well you do resting on your own then, without my company. I’ll be back later with a light dinner to ease you back onto actual food,” she stopped, her face going gentle, “stay strong Jesse, I know this isn’t the worst you’ve been through but it’s still an injury. Do you want me to bring back Genji? Or someone else, like Reinhardt? Maybe...Gabriel? You’ll be getting a good scolding no matter what you choose.”

“I...I think I’ll just rest on my own, doc. Thank you kindly.”

She gave him one more nod before leaving, closing the door firmly behind her.


	3. Wishing for a Pair of Overalls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning bout the anxiety attack Jesse has in the chapter, sorry if you get uncomfortable :(
> 
> I have more free time and writing urges then previously thought so I figured I might as well wright another chapter. A cat of mine was put down yesterday so I kinda just poured some of that frustration and sadness into some different writings of mine to help myself. enjoy?
> 
> Also if y'all haven't noticed there's some funky chapter titles and they're all coming from https://www.legendsofamerica.com/we-slang/ It's a website I've looked at in the past and figured it would come in handy here, it's basically just a lot of phrases and lingo from the old west area, which I personally find interesting to read.

He layed like that for a while, tension unable to leave his body. He had closed his eyes at first, but was quick to open them when he felt himself nodding off. At this point, he was the fish waiting to be shot in the barrel; he couldn’t afford falling back asleep. Plus, he was scared again. Jesse should’ve really just let the pretty doctor bring someone in, he was sure he coulda convinced them to just sit with him and not have to worry about lying again. He had nothing to ruminate on, except for this body and his own mind. The gunslinger was left going around in circles just like some poor old dog chasing its tail. Sleep wasn’t an option for fear that he would lose his sense of self completely- and if he tried thinking about how this could have happened everything went blank.

Jesse had long since zoned out and picked the leftover bandages off of himself when the clack of the door opening caused another huge rush of adrenaline to be pumped through him. No way in hell had enough time had passed for it to be the doctor with his dinner, despite how long his wandering in his mind felt. McCree fought the heavy jelly feeling of the body and managed to push himself up to sit as an omnic entered and quickly shut the door with little sound. Well, they sure looked like a human but definitely was a robot. Their face looked like a mask, their body glowing eerily with green light. He swore the light glowed a bit brighter when they looked at him.

“Jesse! I did not believe Angela when she told us you finally woke up!”

It wasn’t the accented and almost relieved robotic voice that shocked him, but the human face that was revealed as the stranger took off his glowing mask with a soft click. One that looked really angry, and maybe about to cry? He was given no warning as the man crossed the room in a split second and slapped him across the face. Jesse grunted and instinctually went to hold the hurt cheek with his hand but thought better of it when he realized it was the metal arm.

“That wasn’t very kind of ya, partner. Think hurtin’ an already aching patient is fun?” The man scoffed sharped, his dark eyes narrowing as he scrunched his eyebrows. The mask was set at the foot of the bed and the man sharply sat next to the cowboy’s legs, arms crossed over his chest.

“I can say with much confidence now that it is your own fault you are hurt. I will admit that I felt it was my fault for making you think you had to rescue me, but have since been convinced otherwise.”

“Well damn, no thanks in the end then? Even if you didn’t need no savin’ at least I was concerned enough about you like you said to try to offer some help, yeah?” He scooted back with a little difficulty and crossed his own arms in response, feeling exposed with only what seemed only sweatpants on under the bed sheets. So this was Genji, the person the doctor, supposedly named Angela based on the man’s words, had told him that he tried to save. Jesse could see why she had said that he needed to saving. Thinking about the doctor made him remembered what she told him as she left.

“You ain’t supposed to be in here, are you? Angie said she was gonna give me my peace and rest up on my own.” Genji uncrossed his arms a little as he jerked back, having the conscious apparently to look troubled. McCree looked troubled himself. Angie? He had only just been told the doctor’s name and he had already fumbled it and given the woman a nickname? He really was in the deep shit.

“W-well! I figured you would want company. You do not like the medical ward after all,” he paused and the gunslinger coulda swore he saw the faintest hint of pink on the man’s marred skin, “Plus, well, I will not say I was not worried for you. That is..everyone was. Is. It is not every mission that someone gets injured like you did, let alone someone as prominent as you.”

“Prominent? You’ll have me lookin’ redder than a tomato if you keep feeding me compliments.”

The other gave the cowboy a strangled sort of whine, his face furrowing again in confusion.

“You are prominent, Jesse. Everyone loves you, cares for you. Even the new recruits look up to you, even if sometimes it is only because of your amazing shooting. You are important, and I think that hit to your head must have been worse than we thought if you do not think so.”

Jesse’s throat clenched up with Genji’s words. Was he joking? Was the charade already up about the injury? Had he really not been good enough to just fool a few people for a few hours? God he really did suck. He needed out of here, he didn’t belong here. This wasn’t his place to take. He was too loved here, too needed. Was he breathing anymore? His eyes focused again, full of tears. His body ached, he wasn’t breathing. Genji’s hands were on his face, cold and not human. The man looked at him. He couldn’t hear, couldn’t think. Genji turned away, seemingly shouting. No. Don’t go. Jesse clung to him. He didn’t want to be alone. Couldn’t be alone. Genji turned back, pulling him to his chest and clunking his forehead against the plates. He closed his eyes.


	4. Waiting for His Time at the Marble Orchard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this yesterday on monday but forgot to post it, oops. Y'all will probably be getting a double chapter upload tomorrow as an apology for zoning out and not uploading all last week.
> 
> Just a heads up I'm writing this in the free class period I have, which is monday, wednesday, and thursday. There will almost never be a chapter on tuesday or friday, and rarely on the weekend. Also just note there is no editing going into this, I skim over it just to check for pointed out spelling errors but there's no one else previewing it before it goes up, so sorry if anything ever sounds weird or falls through somewhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhh I know this is running on but I figured I would define some things up here? Not sure if y'all like that, and it's just what I can remember I wrote down below.
> 
> Above snakes - Alive, not six feet under so he's above snakes  
> Marble Orchard - Graveyard

He didn’t bother stopping the tears that made their appearance as he woke up. The body felt sore and sluggish, his mind fuddled. The lights in the room were dim, the glow of the vitals screens soft on his eyes. Jesse knew what happened, should have expected it sooner. On the left of the bed was Angie, her hands wrapped around the metal arm as she slept on a chair. Her dark circles seemed to be more prominent than ever. On the left was Genji, leaning back on his own chair with his arms crossed over his chest the lights on his pitiful body turned off for the most part. 

He took a deep breath through his mouth, his throat dry and constricting. A shudder passed through him, the aftershocks of crying that threatened to set him off again. Wiping away the tears still sliding across his face, the gunslinger considered his options. He threw away the idea of pretending quickly, couldn’t even make it through a few hours with only two people having talked to him so there was no way he could fake it through however long he had to stay in this hospital, let alone figuring out how to leave. Options after that were scarce. McCree should swear himself lucky that he was even above snakes, he could’ve died from what he did.

No. _He_ couldn’t have died. This wasn’t him. Another shudder hit him, but the heat from the stress kept him warm. This place, these two people alone, were so _unfamiliar_. And yet, they were that much _familiar_. It made Jesse feel sick again. There was no way to deny the comfort he felt from Angela, and the worry that welled up as he looked at her haggard appearance. No way to deny the feeling of camaraderie that made him light-hearted when he spoke with Genji, like they had hundreds of secrets between them. The skin connecting to the metal arm twinged, forcing him to look at it again. Worn down metal and the glittering light gently reflecting off it was all too familiar as well. He remembered something. It wasn’t right, it wasn’t his memory. A memory of the metal arm firmly grasping a table’s edge as his right arm fiercely struggled against Genji’s, as he sat across from him. A contest of strengths, a huge crowd of people cheering both for and against him, Genji’s dark eyes crinkled up in joy as they locked eyes, a still lit cigarillo resting in a tray on the table next to them.

The crushing feeling was back, but his heart felt so, so full and happy. The metal hand was pulled out of the nurse’s hands roughly, hiding it under the covers once more. No surprise there as she woke with a start, immediately leaning towards him with a sharply concerned face. Jesse’s own face curled into a grimace, the memory flashing back up as he remembered Angela’s excited smile as she stood in the crowd watching the arm wrestle. She glanced over at Genji, then turned back to him, softly whispering.

“Jesse,” she slowly pulled her hands back into her lap to fold them over one another when he flinched at her touch, “Jesse..what happened? You are not yourself, to put it lightly.” McCree tried to speak, but only had a strange noise crack out of his throat. Angela quietly stood up and got a cup of water from the pre-filled pitcher, handing it to him. He nodded his thanks and drank what he could while lying down before handing the cup back. No going back now. Well, there was nowhere to go back to as far as he could tell right now.

“You are..correct..when you say that ma’am. I definitely ain’t myself, this ain’t me.”

“I know you may be stressed, but this is certainly not the worst injury you’ve had. Is there something else going on Jesse? I’ve told you time and time again not to bottle it up, and not to pour yourself into a bottle.”

He sharply flinched when Genji’s rubbery hand landed on him from the right, the damn ninja apparently having woken up and not announced it. Jesse’s mind went blank as that thought ran through him. More instinctive thinking, as if he truly knew these people.

“Jesse, Angela is right. You are not one to break like that. We..we were scared, Jesse. One moment we are talking, then you are gasping and crying. I could not think, Jesse, you truly scared me. I knew Angela was just outside but I could not do anything!” 

“I’m,” he screwed his eyes shut, his teeth clenching and fists curling, “I’m not fine, I will admit that. I can’t rightly say that I am fine. There’s no right way to say this, y’all will more than likely to call me crazy.” 

“What in the world are you talking about Jesse? You have healed under my care, this time and many others, what could possibly be different that you should think we will call you crazy?”

“I’m! This...this ain’t mine! Happy? I don’t know you two, despite what I’m remembering, and this body is so close an yet so far. This body is old, this metal arm is disgusting and not mine. I’m just some scrappy son of a bitch in some deadbeat gang, worth nothing!”

He took a heaving breath, body shaking with tension and frustration. They stared at him, Angela’s face pure confusion and Genji’s face revealing nothing under his mask. More tears crawled their way down his face, and he brought a hand to cover it, unwilling to watch them any further. Jesse didn’t hear Genji’s footsteps over his sobbing, shuddering breaths as he left the room. Angela stood there, defeated but her mind working overtime. She let out a breath, and he heard the sound of her chair scraping lightly against the floor. The worry and fear seized him again, clenching his lungs and heart. The gunslinger uncovered his face when he heard the door handle, looking up at her with watery eyes and started begging.

“I’m sorry, please, I’m so sorry. Please don’t leave. I don’t know you but I don’t know this place even more, it’s not right. This body isn’t right, I’m-I’m scared please.” She rushed back over after a split second of hesitation, he hands coming to hold his face against her as he started truly sobbing again. She held him and stroked through his hair, hushing him and whispering that it would be fine. He didn’t believe her.


	5. Waking up the Wrong Passenger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesse finally eats something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did absolutely no editing on this chapter and the next so oops!
> 
> Waking up the wrong person/passenger - To trouble or anger the wrong person

He was exhausted. Hungry. Scared. When he had stopped crying against Angie and apologized over and over she had finally told him to “just hush up and lay back down”. Despite it being the middle of the night she told him that she’d be right back with some sort of meal, since yesterday it hadn’t worked out. Memories that didn’t belong to him started floating through his mind again, stirring up more emotions and fear. Jesse didn’t  _ really _ know the faces grinning at him as they handed steaming piles of food onto the tray in his hands, didn’t actually know the wildly different flavors of food both good and bad. If he focused on a specific face he was filled with the feeling that one gets when they walk into a room to do something, only to forget it immediately. 

Feelings that weren’t his also came through; feelings of joy, sadness, respect even, but he didn’t know a single thing about them. He stumbled through the feelings to pass the time, trying to remember their kind faces. An older woman with light caramel skin, a dark eyepatch, and a tattoo around her eye that gave her fierce gaze more power. A hulking giant of a man that was all muscle, a dark gash over his milky white eye but a massive grin on his face. Another man, rougher, yet kinder. Darker skin with marred with scars and a short beard, twinkling brown eyes that held all sorts of baggage. Jesse could remember these three the most, even though there were so many others. He could vaguely envision them in the crowd in the thought of the arm wrestling match with Genji, all cheering for him to win and make them proud. 

The gunslinger had lingering feelings of respect for all three, but each had their own other thoughts and emotions that came with imagining their friendly faces. After several minutes of mucking about he connected the dots. Well, as many dots as he could in this horrible situation. The massive man was Rein, Reinhardt fully, and the man was a lifesaver. The thought of Angie scolding him just yesterday felt so far away, but made sense. Reinhardt was the protector, with his glowing shield and huge pieces of armor he kept polished just so. 

As his head started hurting so did his heart. He was tired of this rush of frustration and confusion as thought after thought and memory after memory came to him. This body wasn’t his, right? More frustration. These people, he didn’t know them, right? Confusion. The door opening saved him from running himself down more than he already was. Didn’t save him much through, as shock and confusion wound themselves together in him. In came the kind man from his memories, carrying the tray with food. He was dressed in all black, sweatpants, t-shirt, and a beanie over his head. The man’s face seemed to match his clothes, dark and practically glaring at him. Jesse watched as he set the tray down none too gently on the stand next to the bed before flopping down into the chair on the left and crossing his arms. They both stared. The man spoke, voice quiet but rough and gravelly.

“This better not be some sick joke, boy.”

Jesse scrunched his nose up at being called “boy”. It didn’t make him feel nice, it was degrading and hurt him more when he realized Angie must have told this man about how he broke down and confessed that he wasn’t who he was.

“Not sure what you mean. If Angie done tell you what I told her, no matter how stupidly I did it, then for what reason do you reckon I’m pulling your leg?”

The man’s face flashed of look of sadness before pulling itself back into a neutral look. He uncrossed his arms and gestured to the tray. McCree was wary about what could be in the food but knew in all honesty they had no reason to hurt him if the memories that he saw were real.

“Just eat, kid. You’ve been sleeping for days with that disgusting feeding tube, and based on what she told me you need it. Breakdowns like those get to you, I can tell you that much.”

The other man took some form of pity on him and set the tray on his lap when he struggled to get the tray with only his right hand, the metal arm daunting and too strange to trust it to work. It was a bland stew with chunks of overcooked meat and vegetables floating around, but it filled him up quickly. They sat in silence again, neither willing to look at the other let alone be the first to talk. Jesse decided to take the bullet.

“Mind at least tellin’ me your name so I quit wanting to call you a stranger?”

“It’s..Gabe- Gabriel.”

“Alrighty, Gabriel,” he paused for a moment, the name feeling formal and wrong. Based on the other’s slip up he guessed they were actually closer and he used to called him Gabe, “did Angie send you in because she couldn’t bother lookin’ at my face no more?”

“No. I came in on my own. Angela woke me up to tell me what you said, as you guessed. She’s been in here nonstop since your stupid move on the mission and is practically asleep on her feet. I was ready to beat your ass should this have been a prank,” Gabriel heaved a sigh, long and loud, “but it’s apparent you’re not faking.”

“What have I got to fake, old man?”

Gabriel’s eyebrow twitched, his mouth quirking up a split second.

“Old man? It seems old habits do die hard, kid. You have amnesia, obviously, and it’s knocked you right out of your own head. You said you’re just a kid in some gang, and you weren’t completely wrong. You  _ were _ some kid in some gang, but I changed that. It’s been many years since that, Jesse.”

“I’m...beginning to realize that. My mind is jumbled, memories that aren’t mind but are, this old body and missing hand, these feelings that rumbling up. It ain’t right, no way no how. You telling me about this amnesia business doesn’t make a lick of sense, but in the same way it does.”

“Well that’s what’s happened kid, and that’s not going to change. You are going to heal up, train back up, then I’m going to whip you back into shape. If you’re remembering things, then that’s good. Keep doing that. We- I- can afford to lose you. Overwatch needs you, the team needs you, your friends need you.”

“That’s..awfully sappy, Gabe.”

The man frowned and growled, standing up and snatching the tray with the leftover food. Stomping to the door he huffed, pausing right before he left.

“Don’t get used to it kid.”


	6. Along for the Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's the double chapter I promised y'all?

Gabe didn’t come back. Neither did Genji. Angela only came for meals and to quickly check that everything truly was healed. She always was very kind, but also always looked incredibly troubled. Every time she came in the first thing she did was ask if he remembered anything, just as she did now as he sat up in the bed finishing his lunch. It was getting old.

“Well Angie, maybe if you let up on the doctor business and let me outta here maybe I could try to figure some things straight.”

“Nonsense. You haven’t..gotten your strength up yet, of course. Just keep resting and eating then we can move onto psychical re-training, and then once you’ve completed that then you can go around the base. No missions.”

Jesse raised his eyebrows, giving her an unsurprised look. Oh, he remembered that.

“Y’know doc, I did actually just think of somethin’.”

Angela’s face lit up as she clasped her hands together, looking expectantly at him.

“I remembered how guilty you start gettin’, y’know? I got hurt real bad and obviously have got some problems now, and you’re just out there bucking around blamin’ yourself. Based on what I’ve been told it was in no way your fault, Angie.”

“Oh Jesse,” she let out a frustrated breath, “I know that myself. But what if I do let you out and you get hurt again, then it really will be my fault!”

“Well no one ever said I had to go out all on my lonesome! I can’t say I’d like you to go with me, you’ve already done quite enough ma’am, but you can send someone to come along for a ride can’t you?”

“I suppose I could, but there’s always that chance! You could get hurt or do something stupid again, I have no reason to trust you.”

“Don’t think you had much reason to trust me before, doc. I’ll be honest with you, I just want to get out of here. Everybody else has stopped droppin’ by and being stuck in here with only my mind to pick all day is starting to get to me.”

She huffed again, rubbing the bridge of her nose. Glancing around the room before looking back at him she slowly nodded. The gunslinger just nearly jumped out of the bed to hug her, grinning wildly. He could finally get some fresh air, and  _ god almighty _ , a  _ shower _ .

“I’ll let you go today, but on the conditions that at least one person, if not two, go with you. And that you come back for dinner.”

“Aw come on doc, back for dinner? I’m not some little lady going out on her first date, can’t a man have a meal in the mess hall for once?”

“I do not trust you in the cafeteria. No, I don’t trust your  _ mind  _ in the cafeteria. Who says that being all crowded in with that mess of people won’t cause you to remember things too quickly? It could harm your mind and trigger another attack like last time.”

Jesse let out a hum, the fire of the excitement being put out with her words. The thought of something like that happening never crossed his mind. Remembering too quickly? It just sounded like bullshit to him, but he still trusted Angie with his whole heart despite the lack of memories of her.

“Alright, I hear you. Can’t we compromise though? I’ll have my meal only with whoever is escorting me, somewhere outside, and not in the hall.”

“I’ll agree to that, only if you promise me one more thing.”

“And what would that be, doc?”

“No smoking. I do not want you even looking at those cigars of yours or anything else anyone else offers you.”

Smoking? Jesse supposed he could remember smoking here and there in the gang, and there was that one cigarillo he could remember in the corner of his mind during that arm wrestling match. He supposed he did smoke, but was surprised when he had realized he hadn’t had any sort of urge during the past few days he was awake.

“I don’t blame you there Angie, but I’ll say that the thought of smokin’ hadn’t even crossed my mind. I’m feeling mighty fine and I reckon getting back into that wouldn’t be too dandy.”

“Then that’s also good. I’ll be back then, hopefully someone will be free to help you around.”

The gunslinger muttered something about not needing help to get around but sat patiently as she took the food tray and left, the door being left open this time. He couldn’t help but feel the spark of excitement of being able to leave, and scooted his way to the edge of the bed. In truth he’d been walking around the small room by himself when Angela left. Walking around gave him something to do, even if it wasn’t much. 

Only yesterday did he dare touch the stuff on the nightstand to the left, however. Jesse had spent several hours just turning his hat over and over again in his hands, feeling the worn material. After that he had finally investigated the metal arm. It was unfeeling when he touched it with his right hand, but had no lag when he moved the fingers on it. It was completely foreign, in a way. Thinking about how the hand actually worked as it connected to his arm made his head hurt. The other items were a heavy, authentic serape dyed it’s beautiful red color. The material was slightly rough, but warm, comforting, and familiar. The comms device left next to the his hat and serape was out of charge, if not broken. Now that he had gotten his hat and serape he only had a few more things to find, namely his gun. Peacekeeper was nowhere to be found in the room and Jesse could only hope to god that it was just taken somewhere else and not left behind or broken. He stood there for a moment, glancing about the room before he heard quiet chattering and Angela’s heeled shoes clicking on the floor. He was quick to sit back down on the edge of the bed, as if he was a child about to be caught doing something bad. The doctor walked in, the door open wide now, with another unsuspected person. The older woman from his memories with the fierce gaze and tattoo around her eye. Instinctively he stood up, the inherent respect he felt for this woman not letting him be potentially rude. She chuckled good-naturedly, her face crinkling up into a smile.

“Gabe wasn’t wrong when he said you still had some sense in you, you can be at ease Jesse.”

He gave his own nervous smile, but couldn’t really relax with the excitement and ever-present fear running through him.

“Thank you kindly, ma’am. And thank you for supposedly walkin’ around with me, at Angie’s request.”

“Hm, it is no trouble you know. Missions are slow without your help and most of us are being left to our own devices. It will be nice for some company that is not the usual suspects. Let’s get you cleaned up and then have some tea, yes?”

McCree nodded and slowly followed the older woman as she walked out the door. He put his hat on only to tip it towards Angela as he passed her, her slight frown not leaving his mind.


	7. Hanging On to One's Fiddle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> McCree finds his belt, among other things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhh forgot to upload this yesterday? 
> 
>  
> 
> Hanging on to one's fiddle - to keep going at it  
> (the opposite of hanging up one's fiddle - to give up)

He roughly toweled off his hair one more time, not wanting it to drip on his fresh clothes. Ana had brought him to his room with no conversation between them, which had caused more nervousness than Jesse thought he could ever have. Having the woman take off the metal arm was even more nerve wracking, silently showing him how to take it off and then briefly telling him how to put it back on saying that she would do it only this time. He had washed up and messily trimmed his beard with a surprising amount of difficulty. He’d never considered how difficult life would be with only one arm, and he counted his luck that this body hadn’t lost his main hand.

No. This, this  _ was _ his body. Jesse knew he had to start accepting that. It sure wasn’t easy though. The amnesia bit made sense now, after the days filled with thinking. Yeah it made  _ sense, _ but god almighty it was hard and confusing. But it was the least of his worries right now he figured. A sharp, quick knock on the metal door made him jump out of his skin.

“Jesse don’t make me come in there and treat you like a child! I’ve raised my own and won’t hesitate to practically do it again for you.”

“Understood, ma’am! My apologies.”

He stopped dilly dallying and gathered up the things he’d found lying around his room: an amazing pair of cowboy boots complete with beautifully shiny spurs, a sturdy holster, and an absolutely  _ ridiculous _ belt that had a massive buckle spelling out BAMF. Jesse grinned, surprisingly feeling a bit more in his skin as he put these items on over his dark jeans and black button up. And if anyone asked how long he spent on wrangling the belt like a right pissed off snake with his single hand, well, he wouldn’t tell.

The metal arm laid on the beaten up nightstand next to the bed, and as he picked it up to leave he felt a whole new kind of sickness. It flopped loosely in his grip and almost made his two meals come crawling right back up. The image of it flopping around was a high contrast of when it was attached to him and under his control. McCree walked out and awkwardly offered the arm up to Ana waiting just outside. She took it with a nod, beckoning him closer and setting a firm hand on his left shoulder.

“I’ll connect it on the count of three, alright?”

“Yes ma’am, thank you.”

“One,”

“Holy FUCK!”

The gunslinger swore loud and proud as the arm connected back, Ana having gone on  _ one _ , not giving him any time to tense up. She grinned and pinched his cheek, telling him off for swearing.

“Pardon my mouth, but Angie normally goes on two! You really gave me no time to beef myself up.”

“Oh, she does, doesn’t she? Then you should thank her for being generous.”

He let out a grunt, rubbing his arm and shoulder while scrunching his nose. Does Angie always go on two? Did he already know that? He decided not to dwell on it, just getting a spark of happiness that he was in fact able to remember and was doing so.

“Come along then, Jesse. Lunch is over so not many people, if any, should be in the cafeteria. We’ll have some tea and go have a chat.”

“Alright. Oh! Hold up now.”

Jesse quickly turned back into his room, the door automatically sliding open for him. He grabbed his serape and hat off the bed, wrapping the former securely around his shoulders and smushing his hat down on his head. The holster felt empty and wrong around his hips but having it there without Peacekeeper was better than nothing. Exiting back out into the hallway and briskly walking to keep up with where the older woman was waiting he gave her an another apology. She smirked as she looked him up and down, shaking her head at the belt. They started winding their way out of the building towards the outside, the gunslinger only knowing this from when she explained they’d have to cross a courtyard to get to the mess hall.

“One day someone’s going to take that belt away.”

“No way, ma’am! This is part of my image, ain’t it? I..may not be myself right now but I can at least look the part.”

“You already look the part, boy! You already walk the walk and talk the talk, so to say.”

“Well I’ll take that as a complement, ma’am.”

They both stopped talking for a moment as the sunlight from outside blinded them as they walked out, his spurs jingling cheerfully with his steps. He took a deep breath, the crisp air sending little pricks down his throat and lungs. The sky was partly covered in dark clouds, and there was a very thin layer of snow along the ground and buildings. He remembered this. This base high up in the mountains that was permanently cold, with snow nearly year round, and it was a frequent one he’d been to. That’d explain why he had his own room, at least.

“Jesse! Come on!”

He started, not even realizing she had gone on without him and left him standing looking around like an idiot. He jogged up to her and they continued walking as he rubbed his chest. Jesse’s body was sore from lazing around in the medical ward so long, and his chest hurt real bad. He reckoned it was in part from his rib injuries but knew better that it was probably from the all the smoking he’d done in his life so far. More thoughts of instances of Angie telling him to quit made him feel guilty. Well, now was the best time if anything.

His fingers twitched and he kept glancing around as they walked into the mess hall, passing through all the tables and heading straight to the kitchen area. So far so good, none of the handful of people looked any bit familiar and they didn’t spend long looking at them. And there his luck ended as they came into the kitchen. Folded over the stove, stirring and rather large pot, was Reinhardt. The man looked up at the sound of the door closing, a massive grin splitting across his face and his eyes scrunching up.

“Ana! Jesse! It is good to see you!”

Before he knew it Jesse was pulled into the man’s arms into a crushing hug, his breath wheezing out as he was bundled up off the ground.

“Ay! Reinhardt, you are squishing the poor boy! He’s only just left the ward.”

“Oh, my apologies, friend! I am just so glad you are out of there and back with us.”

The matching grin that had been on the gunslinger’s face fell quickly at the man’s words. Ana picked up on this and pulled the giant man a little bit away from him. She was about to start telling him when Jesse held up his hand.

“Mind if I do this, ma’am?”

“Hm, if that it what you want. You don’t even have to tell him if you do not wish to, but just know that Gabe and Angela both gave their permission to tell should you want to.”

“What, what is it? I am happy you are here Jesse but what is going on? Something to tell me?”

“Well, Rein, I’m sure y’all heard bout what I did. Main thing is is that I hit my head real hard, and it ain’t turn out too well. Angie’s said I’ve got amnesia, and she’s right.”

McCree expected maybe some shock, or pity, but didn’t expect when Reinhardt came right back up in his space to hold both his hands against the gunslinger’s face. His face was full of just pure concern.

“You do not remember us?! Surely this is not true! I will make it my quest to get you to remember again! I am here, my friend, I will protect you!”

Jesse was quick to gently pull the hands off his face, worried ever so slightly about being crushed. Ana stood there, holding her chuckles in behind a gloved hand. He gave a short glare towards her, forgetting his respect for her before turning back to the other man.

“Think you got it a bit twisted there, big guy. I’m mighty thankful you’re clearly here for me but I’m already beating my own path and remembering plenty. I haven’t forgotten all of you, just some. I’ll be back on my feet and chasin’ the devil myself before long, don’t you worry.”

“Hm you tell me not to worry but I think I will anyways, cowboy. If you say you do not need my help then I will not burden you further, but know I am here.”

“Thank you kindly, Rein.”

The giant man gave him a pat on the shoulder, nearly bowling him right over, before nodding solemnly and turning back to the pot he was stirring from before. Jesse awkwardly stood to the side as Ana brewed some tea, not knowing nearly enough to even offer a hand. She made the tea with precision, putting the kettle on top of a cloth before setting it on a sort of serving tray. The woman efficiently pulled items from the fridge, stacking up light snacks onto the tray before gesturing for him to pick it up. They both said their goodbyes to Reinhardt and left to go find a spot to relax and chat.


	8. Feelin' Pretty Kedge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is all over the place and I wrote it on monday but just forgot and didn't quite feel like posting it but eh. Just get right through it I guess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kedge - In good health, or in good spirits

Their tea time spot ended up being on top of one of the buildings that overlooked part of the base and out towards to the ocean. They both sat on the chilly metal, the frost crackling under them. McCree poured the tea into the cups, and they cradled their cups to warm their hands- just enjoying the silence.

“Ma’am?”

“Yes, Jesse?”

“Would you mind tellin’ me some things? Shoot...not just things, y’know, but about  _ me _ ?”

“Are you asking for a story or are you planning on asking questions?”

“I reckon I was lookin’ for a story, since I’m not too sure what I should even be askin’.”

Ana turned away from gazing at the ocean to give him a gentle smile. She set down her cup with a small  _ klink _ , seeming to gather her words.

“Why don’t I tell you about Fareeha instead? The stories I have about you, Jesse, they’re all the same. Training, going on missions, getting you in shape, all that nonsense.”

He frowned a little.  _ Fareeha _ was not a familiar name, and he was really itching to get out of this mess. A sigh left him, accepting his fate. Angie wouldn’t want him to push himself too much, and he supposed if he learned more about the people around this base he might remember more about himself.

“That’ll be mighty fine, ma’am. I think I’d like to learn ‘bout the people here. Rather, remember them I guess. Not learn ‘bout them.”

“Mm, well I’m sure even if you hadn’t forget them there would be plenty to learn. People are always changing, and yes this loss of yours will change you, but I’d like you to think of it as a chance to grow. In a sense, a chance to relearn yourself.”

Jesse frowned once again, her deep words unexpected. But, not unwelcome. Here he was, just bucking to remember everything and get on with his normal life. That normal life might not even be an option anymore. This amnesia shit already visibly ruined so many of his relationships, ruined his training, his personality for god’s sake. There wasn’t no guarantee that he could ever become like how everyone was used to, how was he supposed to remember every detail of how he interacted with everyone? The gunslinger would always be the odd one out, would make people worry for him like how Angie already was.

“You done thinking, Jesse?”

He jolted up, apologizing quietly.

“Just getting lost in myself, ma’am.”

“I did want us to talk, but you don’t seem like that’s what you need.”

“Ma’am?”

“Let’s go visit Gabe. See if we can get permission.”

He was given no warning as she stood up with no further explanation, and he scrambled to pick everything up and follow her back down the stairs their tea and snacks having gone uneaten. The guilt pricked him and he balanced the tray on one hand as they walked, eating the food on the way. Wasting food didn’t sit right with him, he knew the struggle of getting meals for himself and he figured he might as well eat it.

The tray was dropped back off into the kitchen, Reinhardt no longer cooking. The tables having cleared out as the recruits and workers returning to their jobs, it was deadly silent.

“Might I ask why we suddenly up and changing the plans?”

“Oh like you don’t think on the fly during missions, boy. We’re just going to have some stress relieving activities.”

He scrunched his nose at the vague wording. Activities didn’t sound any sort of fun. Not that having a heart to heart talk over tea was any more fun. They walked down twisting hallways, passing room after room. Jesse had the notion that even before losing his memories he hadn’t known the way around here very well, the path already flown out the window. He somewhat wanted to ask her to continue about Fareeha, since it was clearly someone they both had known and that Ana knew well enough to suggest talking about. Oh. The gears in his head were grinding together trying real hard for him to get something that he wouldn’t be too surprised if someone said they could hear them. Fareeha and Ana, he knew they were related. Sisters? No...mother and daughter.

That’s as far as he got before the older woman suddenly stopped in front of a closed door, nearly causing him to run into her. The door looked the same as any of the others they had passed, but it was the only one in the hallway and had a rather secure looking scanner on the wall. Ana knocked sharply on the metal door, leaning towards it.

“Jackie? Gabe? I’ve learned my lesson about not barging in, so you should make yourselves presentable.”

The gunslinger’s eyes widened a little, the implications rather crude. The firm fog of anxiety revealed itself again with the idea of meeting Gabriel again, along with Jack. Jack was also in the things he had already remembered, another stern figure of respect right up there with Ana and Gabe. The gunslinger knew that Jack was essentially the leader here, he set up many of the missions and was a public figure. Alongside- _ holy shit. _

“What’s the stupid look for, kid? You lose the rest of your marbles?”

Gabe was standing in the doorway, giving him a sharp look. Jesse’s mind was still reeling. A fucking  _ gorilla _ ? There was god damn gorilla somewhere around  _ here _ ? That was a co-leader and scientist? And could talk? He was losing his shit.

“I’m actually getting concerned now, idiota. Ana, did you break him?”

“S..sorry, sir. Just, remembered somethin’ that I never coulda guessed was possible to remember.”

A pleased look flashed across the man’s face before it dropped back down. He moved and let Jesse and Ana enter the room. Jack didn’t seem to be in here, only Gabriel and stacks on stacks of paper on the desk in the middle of the room. Tinted floor to ceiling windows made the room dim, but comfortably so. McCree and Ana settled down in the plush seats facing the desk, and Gabe took the chair behind the desk.

“Well if you’re so dumbstruck about remembering something, surely it’s important enough to share?”

“Uh, I reckon it ain’t any surprise to y’all.”

“Just spit it out Jesse.”

“Well. There’s a...gorilla...here? Like, a whip smart one who’s the lead scientist or whatever y’all would like to call it? Them? Him?”

Ana let out a soft chuckle while Gabe groaned and shook his head.

“Yes. There is. His name is Winston, and he is the lead scientist as you said. He’s currently away with some of the agents to make a public appearance to boost our rep. God kid, you’d think you solved some century long murder mystery by the way your face was looking.”

“Sorry to be blunt, sir, but just now it practically was that important.”

“Yeah, yeah. Just keep doing that now. When did you get cleared by Angela?”

“Just this mornin’ with some tough luck. Only, I gotta head back after dinner per our deal.”

Gabriel nodded, cutting that conversation short.

“Well, I don’t have all day. Any reason you two showed up?”

“I dragged Jesse over here to get his gun, and your permission to get on the range.”

Jesse perked up greatly at that. Gabe had his gun?  _ And  _ Ana was planning on taking him to the range? His first outing of the ward was getting better by the second, and he just hoped that it wouldn’t come crashing down.


	9. Aching for that Firewater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Think this chapter is better than the last chapter but you can't ever be sure, y'know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firewater - Alcohol

Gabriel huffed out a breath.

“First day out and you’re already looking to bust him back up?”

“Gabe and I both know the boy’s at least smart enough not to be stupid now.”

He stood there as Gabe and Ana bickered back and forth like a couple of coyotes yipping at each other. He had a sense not to get between the two right now. The gunslinger wasn’t nearly high and mighty enough right now to not be below begging for his gun back, and if he was being honest was just confused why he would even need permission to have Peacekeeper back in his hands. The gun range he could understand, having just been cleared then maybe training wouldn’t be best right now, but just having his gun? Some place this was. Jesse tipped his hat back a little as he slouched down, wanting to be able to watch his two mentors act like children in front of him.

“Jesse, what do you think?”

“Uh, what do I think of what, sir?”

“A dios mío,” the man shook his head at him, “you go back to Angela and get permission to use your gun and I’ll hand it over. Not before, not after.”

“Sounds mighty fine, asides from the part where I know sure as hell Angie ain’t gonna give the ok.”

“Well kid, that’s your problem not mine. Come back to me when she says you can have it.”

Gabe paused and stared Jesse down, making him practically squirm in his seat.

“Or...come back if you want to talk. I can’t say you’re always welcome here, but you’re always welcome to talk to me.”

“Sure thing, boss.”

He picked himself back up, adjusting his hat as he and Ana walked towards the door. He gave a lazy salute and went into the hallway, Ana nodding to the other man and closing the door behind her. They wandered down the hallways, heading the way they came as far as he could tell.

“I reckon we’re going back to Angie, then?”

“I suppose so, if you want your little gun.”

“Well not all of us can be wicked snipers!”

“Oh don’t you lie to me Jesse, that little technique of yours is just as good as my sniping.”

“Technique? What technique?”

“I don’t remember the silly name you gave it. I haven’t seen you use it in quite some time, though? Last time you said it hurts your eye.”

Jesse suddenly got queasy. His mouth drying and his throat closing up. He struggled to get the name out.

“Called that Deadeye, ma’am.”

“Hm, aptly so! I don’t know how you do it or why it has to hurt you but the bottom line is that it’s saved your team’s asses several times.”

“That might be, but I don’t like usin’ it. Ain’t natural.”

“I agree. It isn’t natural. But you heard me. It got good people out of bad situations, and that’s all I’ll say.”

McCree shut his mouth, not wanting to say anything else on the matter. Deadeye wasn’t any sort of good, and it hurt him. Never knew when he discovered he could do it but he could, but bam, just like that he could hit seven with his six-shooter. Hell, it didn’t even need to stop at seven, but he knew his limits by now. Plenty of nameless faces had died by it, their clueless figures clawing their way back into his mind. He shook their ghostly hands off his back, focusing back on the present. They’d made it back to the medical ward, and were walking further into it seeing as Angie wasn’t near the entrance. Faint voices could be heard, getting clearer as they walked back.

“How’s that? Is it running smoother? Any pain?”

“No pain, and it feels like it is fixed. Thank you, Doctor Ziegler.”

“Genji. There’s no reason to take this out on me.”

“I..know.”

The voices were ones he knew, and their words made him stiff. They turned the corner, finding Genji sitting on an examination table, his arm connected to wires running to a computer Angela was fiddling with. The ninja’s face grew hard and blank as he locked eyes with Jesse, but it wasn’t to be seen long as the other clicked the face plate back into place. All sorts of guilt swirled around, putting a damper on the good mood he’d achieved.

“Jesse? Is something wrong? Why are you back so early?”

The doctor ran over and started to frisk over the gunslinger, clearly looking for injuries. He gave a weak smile and gently pushed her away.

“Nothin’ wrong with me, doc. Just wanted to get permission for somethin’. It can wait so you can finish up with Genji here.”

“Oh, alright. Are there any other problems you were having, Genji?”

“No. Thank you for your time.”

Genji stiffly but efficiently pulled out the wire connected to him, giving a nod to the doctor before quickly brushing past McCree, knocking shoulders with him. Jesse watched him go, feeling worse and worse by the minute. Not to mention the stewing anger. He hadn’t noticed it at first, and then he did. Just like when a friendly dog suddenly snaps and crushes your hand in its teeth, the anger was now apparent. It was mostly anger at himself, if he was going to be honest. Angry that his past self had decided to protect someone that didn’t need the help, and ending up real hurt because of it. Angry that he just  _ couldn’t _ get a break, his memories needing to seep back in. Angry that people were turning away. Genji was supposed to be his friend,  _ wasn’t he _ ? Running away only made the gunslinger more angry.

“Jesse, please forgive him.”

“I ain’t see why I gotta. I know I did somethin’ real stupid, but I’m payin’ the price ain’t I?”

“It’s not about the accident.”

“Oh so it’s about me lyin’ to him about remembering? Why’s he gotta act like he’s got a stick up his ass and he watched me make a deal with the devil? It ain’t my choice to have this. I was tryin’ to help him and this is the thanks I get.”

His hands were clenched at this point, blunt nails digging in on one side and metal on metal on the other. He’d just about had it today, despite it going well at first. Seeing the ninja had thoroughly ruined his good mood. The idea of being on the gun range no longer sounded fun, and based on bitter and vague memories there was a good chance Genji had gone there to cool off. Or maybe he’d gone to the omnic now appearing in his mind, their face kind and unchanging. It didn’t matter either way. Turning to Ana he tipped his hat.

“Excuse me ma’am but I think I’m actually done for today. Gonna go have me a sit down. Thank you kindly for escorting me, despite it not being very long.”

Not waiting for a response he nodded once at them both before turning on his heel and stalking back to the medical room he now called his. There was no way he’d be able to find his way back to his actual room at the base, and doubted either of the women outside would let him be alone in there. Shutting the door behind him, Jesse gently toed off his boots and roughly threw himself on the bed with his back leaning against the wall. He slanted his hat to cover his face from the bright lights, and to prevent anyone from seeing his face should they come in. Lord almighty. He could use a drink right now.


	10. Blue Devils

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesse finally says y'all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey gang I've mega zoned out for like 4 weeks now enjoy this chapter that's at least 300 words shorter than normal. might edit more into it later but probably not who knows
> 
> Blue Devils - To be sad/down in the dumps

McCree woke with a crick in his neck and drool on his face. He quickly wiped it away, glad that no one was around to see that happen. Groaning with effort, he retrieved his hat from the floor where it had apparently fell. Another groan was let out as he stretched everything sorely. It was purely his fault for falling asleep sitting up. The gunslinger went to rub his eye but ended up jabbing it as a sharp knocking sounded. Softly muttering curses and gently rubbing his hurt eye he didn’t even get the chance to ask who it was before they came in.

“Well good thing you’re not sleeping. I’ve brought you breakfast, since you decided to skip dinner last night.”

“Ah, thank you Angie. Sorry ‘bout that. Just got my feathers ruffled is all.”

She let out a hum and sat on the end of the bed after handing the food over and closing the door. Jesse knew he was in deep shit. He took his sweet time eating the warm oatmeal, sipping the cooling coffee occasionally, waiting for her to speak.

“You know, Jesse,”

Shit here we go.

“I know Genji is acting rather childish, but please take his feelings into account as well.”

This was about Genji? What bullshit was this?

“I’m not sure what you mean, doc. He ain’t the one who up and lost his memories.”

“No, but he was the one who, as you’d like to say, up and lost his trust in himself. He feels guilty, Jesse.”

“Guilty? Now why should he be doin’ that? I’m the one who decided to bite a bullet, and took the damage from it.”

Angela sighed and clasped her hands together in her lap.

“You’re just as bad as him.”

“Hey!”

“No. Don’t you dare say you are not being petty right now Jesse. I’m going to ask you now to just listen to me, instead of trying to defend yourself.”

“You may not have all it in your head right now, but you are friends. Longtime friends, even if it’s only been a few years together. You helped him stand back up after what happened to him and he’s stuck around and helped you right back. If he wasn’t being so stupid and stopped blaming himself for this then I’m sure he’d be right here by your side, cheerfully getting you back”

“But he’s not. He thinks that because he didn’t do a good enough job that he caused you to want to help him, thus making you injured and missing a few pieces. I want you to understand that he needs you right now, and you still need him. I didn’t ever think I’d have to baby both of you like and tell you to hug and make up but clearly I do. Apologize to him and he will do the same.”

Jesse’s face felt heavy, his throat tight and his heart clenching. He knew almost everything that the doctor had just dumped on him and it really did make him feel guilty.

“I...I know Ange. I  _ know _ but, I’m just…”

She looked expectantly at him, made his fists clench and unclench, made his teeth grind down.

“I  _ know _ but I’m  _ scared _ , Ange. I can’t just bounce back. It ain’t how it works. I need time, obviously, but I ain’t got it. Everyone’s pushing and pushing and I don’t got it in me to push back. I’m just gettin’ trampled here. Y’all are expecting so much but I don’t know what to give. I’m getting things back but it’s not the same.  _ I’m _ not the same. I never will be. Just cause I get the memories back don’t mean a thing. I ain’t got the feelings or sense back. I don’t know how” his voice cracked and he realized tears were streaming down his face, “how to get back. I’m broken, Ange. I don’t know you folks but you’re still being so kind. Y’all being so kind and it hurts. I ain’t never had anything, or anyone, like this. Y’all acting like a family I never had, hell, never deserved.”

The words cut off in his throat with a choked sob. He was gently pulled into her arms, a firm grip around his shoulders. Both their tears fell on each other as they held onto each other. Jesse knew this would probably hurt him later, but to hell with it. Being so honest felt so foreign, but it felt so good. Her gentle touches as she kept him safe were so new to him, and he realized he was never tender like this. The only contact he’d had for years were limited to the people around him, limited to brief side hugs or a back on the back. Touches telling him the mission had gone good, that he had killed good, had damaged good. It was painful having this much acceptance and love being directly towards him in such a short amount of time, of having so much real concern for him. It hurt.


	11. Addle-Headed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > Feels like I'm supposed to have done something  
> > Gets email  
> > Someone has left kudos on your work  
> > ooooooOOOOOOHHHH
> 
> Howdy, as one might say. It's been a few months huh? Oops. Hope y'all like lots of bad dialogue and a chapter that's gonna feel cut off because I feel like just posting it now instead of adding more. Enjoy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Addle-headed - empty headed, or not smart

The breeze came and went in waves, mimicking the ocean it was blowing in from. It was refreshing and mercifully distracting. McCree’s head was still pounding and his face still ached from pouring his heart out to Angie. She’d sent him off to one of the unused areas closer to the medical ward, to “take a break” essentially. While he had greatly enjoyed the company of Ana, being alone was good too. It was better than before, at least. Somewhat.

When Jesse thought of just a few days ago, when he had believed he was younger and still in Deadlock, had the pounding in his head crescendo. It made his mind twist and turn like a snake being stepped on, just trying to figure out how his brain had really let him believe that. It was like when you start thinking about what happens when you die too long. He groaned and took his hat off his face, setting it on his stomach with a hand on it to keep it from blowing away. The grass was still damp underneath where he laid, making his clothes feel warm and clammy. Laying out here in the sun felt nice, as if he hadn’t the chance to in a long time. The downside? Angie had taken his other hand. She wanted to take it in to someone to make sure it hadn’t broken, and it made him a little bitter that they hadn’t done that when he was apparently having a little nap. The damn thing hadn’t even felt broken when he’d been using it just yesterday, but she wasn’t going to listen to him. So here Jesse was, laying in the breeze feeling all lopsided and praying to whatever sort of divine power there could be that he’d be left alone. Of course, he should’ve known his luck was shot to hell soon as he got the general feeling he wasn’t alone.

The gunslinger opened his eyes, glancing to his left and nearly jumped out of his skin. Not three feet away was a floating omnic, and for a split second he couldn’t recognize them. Well, he did recognize after a moment but didn’t exactly have a name to a face. Sitting up and placing the hat on his head, he tipped it gently to them.  
“Howdy, partner.”

“Greetings, McCree. My apologies for disturbing your peaceful resting.”

“Can’t rightly say it was peaceful but I suppose I was resting.”

They awkwardly looked at one another, Jesse not knowing enough to strike a conversation, and the omnic not choosing to speak.

“Might I ask your business with me, granted you got any?”

“Hm, yes. I’d like to speak to you for a little while, if you are free.”

“Sure thing, partner. Er, did you want to speak privately or is here fine?”

“Here is good. Thank you for your time McCree.”

“It ain’t a problem…” he trailed off, hoping that they’d get the hint.

“Ah, yes, I was told about your loss. My sincere apologies for assuming you would remember me. My name is Zenyatta, but you may call me however you would like.”

“It ain’t that I don’t remember you, Zenyatta, I just didn’t have your name down. And there ain’t no need for you to apologize, it wasn’t nobody’s fault but mine that I did what I did to end up like this.”

“I have reason to believe you are not the only one who feels this way.”

“Pardon?” Jesse asked incredulously, following Zenyatta’s movements as the omnic slowly came to rest on the ground in front of him. He folded his legs, feeling that some respect should be had here.

“You may know me, or had known me, as something along the lines of Genji’s mentor. As such, it’s only right that I would be the one that Genji would speak to about things. Things not unlike your accident.”

“You sayin’ you came here to rat out Genji’s true feelings? I didn’t think you one to do that.”

“You are correct, in a way. While this is the first time I have told someone else something that my student has said without his explicit permission, I believe in the end it will only do good.”

“I can’t say that’s right. If Genji’s got somethin’ to say then he should say it. Thought it’ll probably only end up in a yelling match. Almost always did, back in the day.”  
“Hm, I am delighted that you are remembering things. To learn from the past is to move forward, after all.”

He looked at Zenyatta, his eyebrows near disappearing underneath his hat. He had just recalled something, hadn’t he? Though it couldn’t always be said that it was something he had forgotten in the accident, but the past was still the past. McCree sighed, and had a vague idea that talks with the omnic tended to be heavy but instilled with insight no matter where it was or who it was with. That’s probably the reason that Genji had changed so much when everything fell, and why he apparently went to talk with Zenyatta everytime he needed to.

“You look as if you have already realized some of what I’d like to advise you on.”

“You could say that again. Guess I’m just feelin’ mighty addle-headed.”

“Addle-headed, is it?”

“Ah, pardon me, just use to being down right silly and sayin’ whatever the hell I please.”

“Speaking your mind may help you in this case. Genji hasn’t been feeling very well, and it concerns you.”

“Aw hell, if it concerns me shouldn’t he be tellin’ me himself?”

“As I said before, to my knowledge he only confides to me. Perhaps some to Doctor Ziegler as well, but I doubt it’s as personal. Genji only tells me his woes and struggles so that I might help him on the path he travels. Based on the recent stories, you may need someone like that too.”

“With all due respect, Zenyatta, I’m sure I do but no one is exactly stepping up to the challenge lately.”

“I do not necessarily agree with that, McCree.”

Jesse might as well jumped three feet clear into the air with the new voice directly behind him, having heard no footsteps to warn him. He already knew who it was, unfortunately, but still turned to look up at the cyborg standing tall. Genji’s arms were crossed, looking down upon the cowboy with no other visual emotion as his faceplate was firmly in place.


End file.
